Tonight we will practice the willingness to will nothing!
As we travel on our journey there are times when everything we think we understand, all of our tools and our knowing of how to survive life’s curveballs seem to be irrelevant. Or maybe outdated is a better word… or archaic… or just plain useless. We find ourselves thinking and thinking about what our next survival tool will be. What will be the anchor in the storm? Revelation…maybe for a moment in your life, you are not supposed to be anchored. Maybe your most current upheaval is a new chance at a new beginning.
The deconstructing of a structure that may not have been sound in the first place. The willingness to will nothing. No thing. No outcome. In some moments that means we hurt and we don’t try to hide it or change it or overcome it. In other moments the hurt goes away and we feel relief and strength and hope. The un-structuring of our structure has opened a skylight in our roof. And we see things we have never seen before.
Then the journey begins again. Where? We do not know. Why? We do not care. Who and with whom, it is yet to be revealed to us. But the journey will continue. And it will be magnificent.
If I don’t set a plan for myself I am afraid I will totally lose it!
SHAUNA –Mary, first, I am sorry. I can imagine that every day your heart and mind is going through a roller coaster right now. Pain, sadness, anger, fear. When I ask you to breath a little and will nothing it is because when you are that hurt it is too hard to think of the future. Chances are that right now just the thought of the changes in your life are a big part of your anxiety and fear. That forward thinking. The fear of the unknown. The crazy things a heartbroken mind manifests. You really don’t know what your future will look like. Yet your mind will wreak havoc with every fear you can imagine. Then the past! What your mind does with that! All the “what ifs”! What if I didn’t do this, or that. What if I saw this coming.
When you are this hurt sometimes the most peace comes from just breathing. Staying present. Blocking out all the decision making for a day. Let yourself feel everything EXCEPT the desire to look forward or play the what ifs. Just decide that for this one day you will WILL NOTHING, NO THING. Stop trying to make sense of something that may never make sense to you. Feel the hurt and then let the hurt go away. Don’t make any decisions! Hell, don’t THINK! Maybe all that identified who you are in the past is supposed to go away so that you can find the deepest, most glorious, most genuine you.
Mary, give it one day. Just one day when you stay in the present, get out of your head, let the logical and illogical thoughts go. Let the yesterdays go. Let the tomorrows wait. Just let the journey begin with each breath.
I wish for you the most amazing journey to you.